funny funny!

i got this in a email recently and thought i should share!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead; Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
3. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he'll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
5. Some days you are the bug; Some days you are the windshield.
6. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
7. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of child support payments
9. We are born naked, wet, hungry; we get slapped on our butts. Then, things get worse.
10. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
11. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
13. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
14. No one is listening until you fart.
15. Always remember you're unique-just like everyone else.
16. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

haha!